Kaleigh O'Keefe
Golden Shovel for Desire
after Terrance Hayes and Neil Gaiman (The Sandman: Endless Nights, pg 43.)
The World asks me: what are you? I readjust my cap and respond: well,
that depends on who is asking. and if we plan on fucking. I admit, I
am not the young clenched fist I used to be. but I’m not an open palm either. if you thought
I was one thing you must misremember. call me Both, All, And/Or, Neither, It
doesn’t matter — but do it with respect. The World spits. I spit back: why are you so angry? was
it me who robbed you of the potential to be many? no. so, what am I, then? am I a
tomboy or a sissy? a trainwreck or an abomination? a woman or a man?
a daughter or a disappointment? a dyke. a traitor. a mirror. a faggot. The World then
turns to go. I say hey! wait! you don’t get to just walk away. do you think I
fought this long to just be dismissed? I already said it wasn't
me who robbed you — but it was me who seduced you. so
how do you explain that? I ask The World: how are you so sure
you are what you think you are? The World turns back, sits next to me and leans in for
a kiss. I shrug away, say listen, World, I don’t just hand out forgiveness. if there
was something you wanted to confess, you should have just said it. if it was
me in your dripping daydreams, that’s okay. there’s something
sexy about the unexplainable, I get it. something dainty
about the promise of Death’s caress. something sinister about
the idea of happiness: like a tightrope walker over a lava pit, his
shoes untied, yet so close to the finish. imagine my fingers
turning the page and touching the face of something
— someone — like myself for the first time. it moved cat-like
from frame to frame, reached out from the paper and lifted my eyes. in
school, I learned most from the other kids. I watched the boys: how his
legs slouch open when he sits. the girls, their hips. I taught myself to walk.
The World asks me: what are you? I readjust my cap and respond: well,
that depends on who is asking. and if we plan on fucking. I admit, I
am not the young clenched fist I used to be. but I’m not an open palm either. if you thought
I was one thing you must misremember. call me Both, All, And/Or, Neither, It
doesn’t matter — but do it with respect. The World spits. I spit back: why are you so angry? was
it me who robbed you of the potential to be many? no. so, what am I, then? am I a
tomboy or a sissy? a trainwreck or an abomination? a woman or a man?
a daughter or a disappointment? a dyke. a traitor. a mirror. a faggot. The World then
turns to go. I say hey! wait! you don’t get to just walk away. do you think I
fought this long to just be dismissed? I already said it wasn't
me who robbed you — but it was me who seduced you. so
how do you explain that? I ask The World: how are you so sure
you are what you think you are? The World turns back, sits next to me and leans in for
a kiss. I shrug away, say listen, World, I don’t just hand out forgiveness. if there
was something you wanted to confess, you should have just said it. if it was
me in your dripping daydreams, that’s okay. there’s something
sexy about the unexplainable, I get it. something dainty
about the promise of Death’s caress. something sinister about
the idea of happiness: like a tightrope walker over a lava pit, his
shoes untied, yet so close to the finish. imagine my fingers
turning the page and touching the face of something
— someone — like myself for the first time. it moved cat-like
from frame to frame, reached out from the paper and lifted my eyes. in
school, I learned most from the other kids. I watched the boys: how his
legs slouch open when he sits. the girls, their hips. I taught myself to walk.
Biography
Kaleigh O’Keefe (they/them) is a gender outlaw and proud union member living in Dorchester, Massachusetts. Their poetry has appeared in Breaking the Chains: a Socialist Perspective on Women’s Liberation, and Slamfind, has won the PRIDE Poetry Prize in Passengers Journal, and is featured on indie music legend Ceschi’s album Sans Soleil. Kaleigh is a contributor and editor for Liberation News, a co-founder of Game Over Books, and hosts the First Fridays Youth Open Mic in Jamaica Plain. You can find them at www.kaleighokeefe.com and on social media @KaleighOKeefeOK
@FirstFridaysJP @GameOverBooks |