Ashley Elizabeth
Hair Tales from a Black Babe
You don’t want to relax your hair
You just want an easier go at it
on days when you wake up too late and a ponytail takes thirty seconds
a messy bun even less
and you can fling a backpack over your shoulder and run out the door
Ponytails are easy at 13 in a school where white girls toy with their hair constantly,
shimmy it over shoulder, hiking it higher than a ponytail should be allowed
and use oversized scrunchies to secure and resecure the nest atop their crowns
You don’t want to relax your hair
but you don’t know how to take care of it otherwise
never learned how to braid because your momma
done slapped chemicals in you cuz she was tired of dealing with it
Forget any braiding technique you may have picked up from your cousin
cuz you can’t see the back of your head for even parts either no way
but you know people will say something if it’s crooked
You see your classmates clowning the dark skinned girls
with close cropped coils, call them bald headed Black bitches
You’re light skinned so you won’t get called Black, per se,
but when you bleach yourself blonde you become a highlighter
Can’t win no way, but they say how beautiful it looks so long
want that length for themselves
Other people’s opinions don’t matter, don’t pay your bills
but you keep relaxing because you like the compliments you will not otherwise get
You are still Black, still think long hair equates to beautiful, but you also still
have a stutter and don’t want to speak. You are smart but not the smartest
You are pretty but not the prettiest, and niggas dont like you.
You’re not that Black girl of their dreams but you do care about your hair
and you must relearn you.
So go natural, grow it out. You gonna cut it off in a dorm bathroom
with a pair of craft scissors in the middle of the summer anyway
because
1. It’s too hot in a North Carolina summer.
2. The damage is weighing you down,
and 3. Fuck it you’ve never had short hair, and it’ll grow back.
You learned to cut curly hair from your godmama
so you give yourself some justice
and you are pleasantly surprised the curls hold
more length than you believed, have a healthier bounce.
Your hair will be fine, and it will grow faster now.
You exhale.
You will learn. You will love your Black. All of it.
You just want an easier go at it
on days when you wake up too late and a ponytail takes thirty seconds
a messy bun even less
and you can fling a backpack over your shoulder and run out the door
Ponytails are easy at 13 in a school where white girls toy with their hair constantly,
shimmy it over shoulder, hiking it higher than a ponytail should be allowed
and use oversized scrunchies to secure and resecure the nest atop their crowns
You don’t want to relax your hair
but you don’t know how to take care of it otherwise
never learned how to braid because your momma
done slapped chemicals in you cuz she was tired of dealing with it
Forget any braiding technique you may have picked up from your cousin
cuz you can’t see the back of your head for even parts either no way
but you know people will say something if it’s crooked
You see your classmates clowning the dark skinned girls
with close cropped coils, call them bald headed Black bitches
You’re light skinned so you won’t get called Black, per se,
but when you bleach yourself blonde you become a highlighter
Can’t win no way, but they say how beautiful it looks so long
want that length for themselves
Other people’s opinions don’t matter, don’t pay your bills
but you keep relaxing because you like the compliments you will not otherwise get
You are still Black, still think long hair equates to beautiful, but you also still
have a stutter and don’t want to speak. You are smart but not the smartest
You are pretty but not the prettiest, and niggas dont like you.
You’re not that Black girl of their dreams but you do care about your hair
and you must relearn you.
So go natural, grow it out. You gonna cut it off in a dorm bathroom
with a pair of craft scissors in the middle of the summer anyway
because
1. It’s too hot in a North Carolina summer.
2. The damage is weighing you down,
and 3. Fuck it you’ve never had short hair, and it’ll grow back.
You learned to cut curly hair from your godmama
so you give yourself some justice
and you are pleasantly surprised the curls hold
more length than you believed, have a healthier bounce.
Your hair will be fine, and it will grow faster now.
You exhale.
You will learn. You will love your Black. All of it.
Biography
|
Ashley Elizabeth (she/her) is a writing consultant, teacher, and poet. Her works have appeared in SWWIM, Rigorous, and Kahini Quarterly, among others. In June 2020, Ashley was the featured writer at Drunk Monkeys. She is the author of the chapbook, you were supposed to be a friend (Nightingale & Sparrow). When Ashley isn't serving as assistant editor at Sundress Publications or working as a member of the Estuary Collective, she habitually posts on Twitter and Instagram (@ae_thepoet). She lives in Baltimore, MD with her partner and their cat.
|
