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James O'Leary

Fever Sestina

​you tell me i am sick / wicker skin pale as firefly light
you tell me i am sick / boy-witch in ignorance tied to death-bliss 
watch me wave alone to shadows made of smoke
alone on apple choke & self / too a kind of fire 
flesh & memory / orange edge of what burns bright 
tell me pain is paradise / not napalm pain / am i not sick
 
try again / naked & normalized / i am not sick 
too long have i held each blue vein up to lamplight
as if to see inside of anxiety a working bright
as if to see inside of loathing gender / gentle bliss 
binary taken made anew / oxygen’s gift of fire
i want fuel to bathe in that uncertain smoke 
 
between / what’s hidden / all ripple steam & smoke 
don’t pile wood on blackened wood / please i’m not sick 
amnesia of childhood a kind of self-effigy / blank fire 
memory / unaware of light except by lack of light 
tell me bellows: have you ever honestly granted bliss 
o silver lining / a lie can make even darkness bright
 
do not name me invention / don’t call me bright 
a complex fuel makes for indecipherable smoke 
signals / a flame for a boy / or lack of bliss 
my bellows tried to hear / but to say i am sick 
oversimplifies nonbinary dichotomy of james / aka light
trying to hide & flicker away from their own fire 
 
inside & heat rises / regardless the heaviness of fire
whose desire to take to ash all previously bright 
can be doused by even a flicker / shadows flee from light
like magic / a candle son’s uses of eye-smoke
& blue burns brightest at the tip of red / red as cells sick 
with bliss / with bliss / risen hundred-degree cinders of bliss 
 
but is not death a scorching side-effect of that bliss 
crumbled to cremation / final heat for final fire 
what kills me is this: the doctor’s diagnosis of sick
try again / notre dame’s miracle flames made bright 
history tells me what to do / not breathe in that grey smoke
or hold to strength away from dancing lights
 
but i am sick / of those who wish to extinguish this bright bliss 
scared smothered by sweltering cold shrouds of dark smoke
i refuse / to freeze in fear of future burn / in wind / i light my fragile fire 

Biography

Picture
Photography by Nick Tillinghast
James O'Leary (they/them) is a nonbinary poet and writer from Scottsdale, Arizona. After having lived in the deserts and forests of their home state, James has now traveled across the US to pursue an MFA at Sarah Lawrence College, where they are a poetry reader and blog contributor at Lumina. When James isn't writing or reading, they're probably playing music, learning to cook, or watching birds from a windowsill. You can find James's most recent works at Blacklist and Mistake House; or, follow them on Twitter @thesundaypoet.
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ISSN 2639-426X
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  • Home
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    • Issue 28
    • Issue 27
    • Issue 26
    • Issue 25
    • Issue 24
    • Issue 23
    • Issue 22
    • Issue 21
    • Issue 20
    • Issue 19
    • Issue 18
    • Serenity
    • Issue 17
    • The Audio Room
    • Issue 16
    • Issue 15
    • Issue 14
    • Play It Again
    • Issue 13
    • Issue 12
    • Issue 11
    • Issue 10
    • Issue 9
    • Issue 8
    • Issue 7
    • Issue 6
    • Hand to Mouth
    • Issue 5
    • Issue 4
    • Issue 3
    • Issue 2
    • Issue 1
  • Submissions