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John C. Polles

Boy

For a year,
I tried
to write down everything
I wanted to say to you.
 
They told me to do that— 
Write a letter, but
don’t send it.
 
It’s cathartic.
 
Letter after poem— 
Poem after letter— 
 
It never worked.
 
It wasn’t enough.
I wanted you to know
what you did.
 
But I
needed
to know that you cared— 
 
Did you?
 
I couldn’t work out how to
make the
 
everything
 
into something— 
 
Anything
that didn’t make me feel as
crazy
as you told me I was.
 
I just didn’t know how.
 
But, boy,
I knew you.
 
I knew he fucked you up— 
You showed me the pictures
on your phone.
I wondered what it was like
to carry them around
in your pocket
every day.
 
I knew it wasn’t easy— 
I knew.
 
I knew how you felt love— 
and how you felt it fast.
 
Boy, I knew you.

Biography

Picture
John C. Polles (he/they) is a freelance editor from Northeast Ohio. He holds a B.A. in English from Kent State University at Stark, where he served as Editor-in-Chief of Canto: A Magazine for Literature & Art; John’s fiction has appeared in Luna Negra and was excerpted in Fusion Magazine. You can follow him on Instagram @johnnypanick. 
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ISSN 2639-426X
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  • Home
  • About
    • Contributors List
    • KD's Blog
    • Award Nominations
    • Support
    • Contact
  • Press
  • Issues
    • Issue 26
    • Issue 25
    • Issue 24
    • Issue 23
    • Issue 22
    • Issue 21
    • Issue 20
    • Issue 19
    • Issue 18
    • Serenity
    • Issue 17
    • The Audio Room
    • Issue 16
    • Issue 15
    • Issue 14
    • Play It Again
    • Issue 13
    • Issue 12
    • Issue 11
    • Issue 10
    • Issue 9
    • Issue 8
    • Issue 7
    • Issue 6
    • Hand to Mouth
    • Issue 5
    • Issue 4
    • Issue 3
    • Issue 2
    • Issue 1
  • Submissions