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Judith Kingston

Diagnosis
in which we look ourselves up on the Internet and find nothing

​One evening, over dinner,
my uncle casually told my Mum
she was autistic.

His psychologist, who had
spoken to her
once
on the phone,
had said so, which made it
gospel truth.

That night my Mum went
to bed full of emotions
that she was now
no longer supposed to
recognise
or feel.

The rest of us retreated
to the Internet to
Google our symptoms.

I had Generalised Anxiety
Disorder
, my Dad
dementia (early onset).

My husband was a
depressive genius with
delusions of grandeur,
but that was no
surprise to him,
of course.

In the days that followed
we turned inward.

My dad would ask the same
questions and tell you
the same stories each
time he saw you.

I jumped at shadows,
avoided Black Spots
on familiar roads
and dissolved into
tears if anyone so much as
raised their voice.

My husband slept
less than normal,
avoided sunlight,
wrote a masterpiece,
would not speak.

When it turned out
that the psychologist
had been misquoted
we awoke to a new,
brighter light.

Getting up awkwardly,
lending each other a silent
hand, as if we were strangers
meeting for the first time.
We could not say what
each of us was thinking:

What, then,
is wrong with me?

Biography

Picture
​Judith Kingston is a Dutch writer living in the UK. Her poems have been published in various online magazines such as Barren Magazine, Riggwelter, Poets Reading the News and Piccaroon, as well as the Fly on the Wall Press print anthology Persona Non Grata. Besides writing, she translates, teaches and occasionally narrates audiobooks. 
 
Social media:
Twitter @judithkingston
Instagram @judith_kingston
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ISSN 2639-426X
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  • Home
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    • Issue 49
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    • Issue 46
    • Issue 45
    • Issue 44
    • Issue 43
    • Issue 42
    • Issue 41
    • Issue 40
    • Issue 39
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    • Issue 37
    • Issue 36
    • Issue 35
    • Issue 34
    • Issue 33
    • Issue 32
    • Issue 31
    • Issue 30
    • Issue 29
    • Issue 28
    • Issue 27
    • Issue 26
    • Issue 25
    • Issue 24
    • Issue 23
    • Issue 22
    • Issue 21
    • Issue 20
    • Issue 19
    • Issue 18
    • Serenity
    • Issue 17
    • The Audio Room
    • Issue 16
    • Issue 15
    • Issue 14
    • Play It Again
    • Issue 13
    • Issue 12
    • Issue 11
    • Issue 10
    • Issue 9
    • Issue 8
    • Issue 7
    • Issue 6
    • Hand to Mouth
    • Issue 5
    • Issue 4
    • Issue 3
    • Issue 2
    • Issue 1
  • Submissions