Lilia Marie Ellis
little sorrows
1.
dreary leaves; they died before their beauty; like dewdropped desire they've settled in their crevices; molding; human, in how short they fall of being human;
even now, the willow; how much you is in it; love's lusters, still embering warm; giving their all, in vain, to be;
as i walk, backwards; heaved heartfirst toward my longings;
2.
the pretty plaster future comes crashing into now; pieces scatter like dreams exposed to light; our brittlesharp promises, how recklessly we bear them; these are our lives, the consequences we've wrought; this is the price of motion; want, a relentless carrying;
the grace i nearly drowned in, smooth and smothering flush against me; love, quietly cataclysmic; grief and elation, kaleidoscoped; joy sealing joy's loss; like autumn's last birds, unreturning;
that hurt is inevitable does nothing to numb it; besides, i want to feel;
3.
in the brisk glow of your falling arms i realized love is not enough; tragedy; sunward turmoil; our unbridgable, quaking selves; love is not enough; cool wind, the years it nourished, wilting; love must have gone somewhere; but where; in the brisk glow of your falling arms; love is not enough, i realized; except i am lost, and the opposite of lostness is you;
4.
sieving; little sorrows leaking out like starry drops of God;
(how i love you; sweetdaggering memories, in their early unfurling; how i fear the day i'll stop missing you; how i rehearse this heartbreak; always; as if it were new)
waist-deep in winter's firstfruits, here, the silent Earth; little by little, giving way;
5.
the tender dark; snow, embrace; i weep, and night weeps beside me; i close my eyes; gently hopeful;
i pray tomorrow i will only sting with love;
dreary leaves; they died before their beauty; like dewdropped desire they've settled in their crevices; molding; human, in how short they fall of being human;
even now, the willow; how much you is in it; love's lusters, still embering warm; giving their all, in vain, to be;
as i walk, backwards; heaved heartfirst toward my longings;
2.
the pretty plaster future comes crashing into now; pieces scatter like dreams exposed to light; our brittlesharp promises, how recklessly we bear them; these are our lives, the consequences we've wrought; this is the price of motion; want, a relentless carrying;
the grace i nearly drowned in, smooth and smothering flush against me; love, quietly cataclysmic; grief and elation, kaleidoscoped; joy sealing joy's loss; like autumn's last birds, unreturning;
that hurt is inevitable does nothing to numb it; besides, i want to feel;
3.
in the brisk glow of your falling arms i realized love is not enough; tragedy; sunward turmoil; our unbridgable, quaking selves; love is not enough; cool wind, the years it nourished, wilting; love must have gone somewhere; but where; in the brisk glow of your falling arms; love is not enough, i realized; except i am lost, and the opposite of lostness is you;
4.
sieving; little sorrows leaking out like starry drops of God;
(how i love you; sweetdaggering memories, in their early unfurling; how i fear the day i'll stop missing you; how i rehearse this heartbreak; always; as if it were new)
waist-deep in winter's firstfruits, here, the silent Earth; little by little, giving way;
5.
the tender dark; snow, embrace; i weep, and night weeps beside me; i close my eyes; gently hopeful;
i pray tomorrow i will only sting with love;
Biography
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Lilia Marie Ellis (they/she) is a trans poet. Their chapbook Love and Endless Love was published by giallo. Follow them on Twitter/Instagram @LiliaMarieEllis!
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