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[           ] Approaches Me in a Coffee Shop Asking "why did you leave?"

by Marlin Figgins

I’m sickly & no one knows
              I’m silent & this is expected
I’m expected & rooms drop to mute--
 
windows close at my passing & I’m standing
before you          taking blame       for what
you did to me     for my silence     & wind
dull enough        to take a finger                 & we’re
 
in public now     I cannot yell out              without
causing a scene                             without my scream
leaving my body               a whistle         without my
body becoming                 convenience    to yours again
 
                           what do you mean
                           no one knows why?
 
I’m silent                       the wind is dull                yet I’m fingerless
                           before you         
 
we’re in public             & I’m still sickly               having drawn
enough suspicion                                     of the flu to warrant--
 
                           pity? what more?
 
prayer from strangers       an offer of a live chicken
the means          to kill myself        to kill the chicken
silk                    handkerchiefs      to wipe our blood            
butane lighter     knife & glove & mask        & cough
 
                           how does this make you feel?
 
& so I take          & take   have killed   slaughtered  
& burned            my hands clean             & I’m too sick
to say it                                                         I’m in public                   
armed & drowned in                  the objects
the words needed to say              
           
[stay silent as I & remember]         to cough
              & continue                          [you touched me       once
              in a night                             still       
 
              I was sent into motion                 & became windless          
                                                       as the night itself]

Biography

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Marlin Figgins (he/him/his) is a Midwesterner, writer, math nerd, cat lover and college student. His work has appeared in or is forthcoming in The Shallow Ends, Cotton Xenomorph, Glass: A Journal of Poetry, and Frontier Poetry! 
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ISSN 2639-426X
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