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Shannon Frost Greenstein

Relapse

​Thin/I’ve missed you/sacrifice due
Empowered/unshowered/depression/dark hue. 
 
Control/a drug/an addiction to less
The number drops lower and my life’s a mess. 
 
Numb, cold, bloody, awake and wired/
Isolate/avoid/I’m so fucking tired. 
 
Old habits/destruction/descent into Hell
Starvation/damnation/I never feel well. 
 
I watch with no interest as things fall apart,
desire for bone that might stop my heart/
Diet Coke, coffee, grit and willpower,
slow suicide/angst/there goes the Dark Tower
 
My family is watching/unable to help me/
a secret I hide/so my young children don’t see
until a time comes when they’re watching and learning/and I will have screwed them despite my yearning
to break the cycle of low self-esteem/to be a mother/come straight from a dream. 
 
Each day/a trudge/a race like Pheidippides’/
no drive/to survive/in such matters as these;
Darwin so quiet as I waste away/
where is my urge to live today?
 
For them, though, I fight/
a reverse siege/
food I don’t want
and helpless pleas
to end the torment of never enough
and learn how to cope when things get rough
 
Take Pills and be mindful and do self-affirmation/
Parent and live and avoid desperation
when flesh seems to grow and thin disappears/
It’s ok to mourn when you can’t stop the tears
 
Because maybe/in time/I will learn not to hate
All that is in me which I always rate/
Sub-par and weak and a source of disgust/
maybe/in time/I will learn to trust
My husband, the children, the mirror and thus/
return to the haven of love which is us. 
 
A family. A unit. A tribe. My heart. 
And I soon hope to have the courage to start
to begin the fight which brings me back to me/ as I try to find recovery. 
 
Again. 

Biography

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Shannon Frost Greenstein resides in Philadelphia with her children, soulmate, and persnickety cats. She is a Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net nominee, a Contributing Editor for Barren Magazine, and a former Ph.D. candidate in Continental Philosophy. Shannon was awarded a writing residency through Sundress Academy for the Arts in October 2019. Her work has appeared in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Crab Fat Magazine, Chaleur Magazine, Bone & Ink Lit Zine, Rhythm & Bones Lit Mag, Kissing Dynamite Poetry, Spelk Fiction, and elsewhere. Follow her on Twitter at @mrsgreenstein or her website: shannonfrostgreenstein.wordpress.com. She comes up when you Google her.
            facebook.com/shannongreenstein
            twitter.com/mrsgreenstein
            instagram.com/zarathustra_speaks
            shannonfrostgreenstein.wordpress.com
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ISSN 2639-426X
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  • Home
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    • Issue 28
    • Issue 27
    • Issue 26
    • Issue 25
    • Issue 24
    • Issue 23
    • Issue 22
    • Issue 21
    • Issue 20
    • Issue 19
    • Issue 18
    • Serenity
    • Issue 17
    • The Audio Room
    • Issue 16
    • Issue 15
    • Issue 14
    • Play It Again
    • Issue 13
    • Issue 12
    • Issue 11
    • Issue 10
    • Issue 9
    • Issue 8
    • Issue 7
    • Issue 6
    • Hand to Mouth
    • Issue 5
    • Issue 4
    • Issue 3
    • Issue 2
    • Issue 1
  • Submissions