Siena Ho Shun Yi
clandestine
sounds like clementine / in my cantonese brain / is how her lip gloss looked / sticky over tables / eat them during spring / for prosperous blessings / upon a new year / do you have a boyfriend / count the soft curve of her eyes / chinese idioms stick boy to girl / and i wonder how many girls / looked over complex characters to find each other / in every page / how many secrets cremated / to ashes in my throat / that choke up when she smiled / i will bring to another grave / i can't tell 柑 from 橘 / in a relative’s fridge / but not one citrus fruit / taste the way i wanted her
Commentary
Siena on " clandestine":
This piece took inspiration from the many stories I have heard, and I found traditional Chinese culture adjacent to liking girls, with the same gentleness and slight melancholy. How my friends would whisper names quietly, but with no less giddiness than any other love. I think culture really comes into play when it's relevant in your life, in all the small parts: a mandarin during new year’s. Your relatives’ words. Those four-in-a-pair idioms of talented men and beautiful women, how good they look together. There is so much room for interpretation, so much hope in between each word unsaid, but to actually take the leap still seems terrifying.
Clandestine, clementines. To like a girl is a bittersweet little secret.
This piece took inspiration from the many stories I have heard, and I found traditional Chinese culture adjacent to liking girls, with the same gentleness and slight melancholy. How my friends would whisper names quietly, but with no less giddiness than any other love. I think culture really comes into play when it's relevant in your life, in all the small parts: a mandarin during new year’s. Your relatives’ words. Those four-in-a-pair idioms of talented men and beautiful women, how good they look together. There is so much room for interpretation, so much hope in between each word unsaid, but to actually take the leap still seems terrifying.
Clandestine, clementines. To like a girl is a bittersweet little secret.
Biography
Siena Ho Shun Yi (she/her) is a writer from Hong Kong and Malaysia. Her favourite word is pretty, and her favourite things are pretty things (words remain the prettiest). In her natural habitat, Siena can be found watching anime or bothering her friends, and she would like to bother you on Twitter @sienasyed as well.
