Emdash AKA Emily Lu Gao
sorry, we weren't that close (1)
her DIY apricot jam stored in old smucker jars:
“but nainai, why 做 jam when 你能吃 already?”
i remember the “tai hao le!” that’d dash from her mouth
as soon as she saw us open the brown minivan
she’d nuzzle traffic-cone-bright persimmons
into my small woozy palms.
i remember how she’d play the piano Christian hymns,
the special ones 天津 missionaries taught age 7 her.
i remember pricking myself on the bb cactus
beneath her avocado trees; age 7 me was curious
to see if it would hurt me like it did for everyone else, like
the text i got from baba telling me you had died.
i recall your forgetting. do you mine? i recall
i pull over plum. i remember falling
asleep between dead and 过时. awash.
(1) Alternative title: at the funeral, people inquire what i remember about nainai
“but nainai, why 做 jam when 你能吃 already?”
i remember the “tai hao le!” that’d dash from her mouth
as soon as she saw us open the brown minivan
she’d nuzzle traffic-cone-bright persimmons
into my small woozy palms.
i remember how she’d play the piano Christian hymns,
the special ones 天津 missionaries taught age 7 her.
i remember pricking myself on the bb cactus
beneath her avocado trees; age 7 me was curious
to see if it would hurt me like it did for everyone else, like
the text i got from baba telling me you had died.
i recall your forgetting. do you mine? i recall
i pull over plum. i remember falling
asleep between dead and 过时. awash.
(1) Alternative title: at the funeral, people inquire what i remember about nainai
Biography
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Emdash AKA Emily Lu Gao (she/they) is a poet, educator and the daughter of Chinese immigrants. She writes in order to heal, grow and decolonize—hoping to shed shame in the process. Currently, she is a Poetry MFA candidate at Rutgers University-Newark where she also teaches. Her poetry has been performed at venues like The San Diego Institute of Art, La Palabra Gallery, Historic Filipinotown Los Angeles and more. Publishing wise, you can find her neurodivergent writing in The Agave Review, Curious Publishing, Queer Rain & The Good Life Review. When not writing, she can be found hosting & organizing her open mic at WORD Bookstore JC. She lives on Munsee Lenape land (Jersey City). Send them your favorite bops on IG & Twitter @emdashsays.
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